Endings and Beginnings

I continued on my way to the front door. That same door I’d closed behind me ten years ago. There were leaves on the lawn. Autumn had come and gone. The snow would start in a few days. It was chilly. But not yet cold enough to bring out the woolens. Nobody had bothered to clean up the yard, so as I walked up to the front door there was a nice crackle of dry leaves beneath my feet.  Its edges slightly darker than the rest of it. It really was quite a specimen. It had that smell you get only from old leaves. It was getting colder and my knee had begun to ache. I realised I’d spent a good five minutes just putting that leaf away. I hear it rustle against the steel in my pocket.

It has been ten years.  I’d never been back. I thought this day would never come. I’d spent the best part of my childhood here. Playing cricket on the veranda. listening to the pop music of the day at full blast, chasing after the dog, sulking after the report card, polishing shoes for school. It had been a good time. A time to grow up. Then change had come. And come quickly. I’d left. For betterment of self and a clear look at the future. I didn’t visit nearly enough in those early years. I was too busy to regret it. One day, though, everything came back to haunt me. A guilt. Leaving the place I’d grown up, and never returning. The guilt had stopped me from going back. Until now.

I could still see the stumps I’d carved into the wall. I think it was with a screwdriver. And I can remember for sure my folks getting mad at me. Was it worth it? Of course it was. Countless hours. Winning matches, one pitch catches. Those were the days. Family get-togethers. Friends staying over from near and far. There was always happiness in this house.

A life I have had.  A wonderful one at that. No regrets they say. Mistakes had been made. Learnt from? Well, not all of them. Not least, the one about looking at the past. Here I was. Place of my childhood. Place where I’d grazed my knees falling of my first cycle ,  my first tooth falling out. My future had been  ahead of me when I left. And now I return with  nothing left of what I’d tried to achieve ,except of course experience .

Fitting that this ends here. More fitting that it ends now.This future I had thought would be brighter, happier even.

Its also fitting that this is a new beginning. As I turn the key to open the door, my wife bundled up to keep from the cold , brings the baby basket in. And a new life begins . Hopefully , he will go on to do what he sets out to do. Even if he doesn’t. I hope he always knows he can come back here and start over.

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